When Katie first invited me to this link-up in July I instantly thought, well thats vain! Taking pictures of myself, on purpose, and deliberately putting them in a place where other people will see them, no!
Since that first reaction I have felt quite challenged on the subject. Slowly i realised that actually its not vain, that people do it all the time, its just me thats judging. I read blogs often, and love seeing the pictures that bloggers post; self styled photo shoots, mums to be and new outfits. So actually its just ME judging ME. Ridiculous. Anyway, I am starting a Social Enterprise and needed to do some publicity stuff, in particular I needed to have a photo for the new blog intro. I put off taking it for soooo long. Eventually i set up my tripod and camera and Matt wired it up to a screen so I could see the pics I was taking. I think I stood there pressing the shutter button for like an hour. I changed my hair, smiled a different smile, changed angles, but I did not like ANYTHING about ANYTHING! eventually i couldn’t hack it anymore and ran over to Matt in tears.
In retrospect this is madness, how can I have something so deep-rooted in me about the way I look that I will cry over something so small. I have never felt unconfident about the way i look, I’ve never struggled with it until the idea of deliberately taking pictures of myself and wanting them to look good. Hello fear of vulnerability.
Matt prayed for me, I calmed down, thankfully by then my face was pretty puffy so I had an excuse to stick with whatever I had already shot.
I have since come to terms with the fact that I’m gonna need to do this more often so I had best deal with it, and that I actually love the idea of being creative in self-portrait photography.
I think there are 3 things that I have learnt from that experience (and other similar things that have arisen recently), and from praying over it after.
1. Failure isn’t a bad thing, pain is the place we learn to GROW and challenge ourselves. As Mr. Henry Ford said ‘Show me a man who has never failed and i’ll show you a man who has never achieved anything’. BRAP.
2. I can’t afford to be scared of judgement, fear of man is not something i was made to live under. I was created to only look for the affections of my heavenly father. Its in THAT knowledge that I have freedom.
3. MY HUSBAND IS AMAZEBALLS
So here are a selection of unedited pictures from that shoot.
So there we have it, the story of my first photo shoot.
Thanks for reading x
PS. I CANT WAIT to tell you more about the social enterprise and promise to in the next week!